Came To My Senses
by baby-rose15
Summary: It's how I've recently seen the thing that we all want the very most. It's not easy and it's not clean but it's what we need. What was written as a one shot but is in chapters for your convenience.
1. Prologue

**Ok so this is a new story of mine. What happened is it became a beast of a one shot and I decided that it would really be better read in smaller chunks and mixed up. But I'm going to post it all at once. Now you'll figure it out where it belongs in relation to the story line, I have faith in your intelligence. But my gut kept telling me that I had to get it written and posted before tomorrows episode. Which is why I have posted anything else yet.**

**Anyway. I don't own Bones and those that do are really quiet spectacular at what they do.**

**Please enjoy came to my senses.**

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Prologue

The little green numbers haunted my peripheral vision for hours as the night ticked on.

Ultimately, I did fall asleep only to be jerked awake for no reason. I glanced at the clock _2:23._ I hadn't been asleep very long. I groaned angry at my own psyche for keeping me awake when I heard what must have been the reason for waking up in the first place.

_BANG. BANG. BANG-BANG-BANG._ His signature knock, two long and then three successive.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I finished my Thai food and carefully set the plate down on the coffee table with a gentle clink, before allowing my body to collapse backwards next to him on the couch. The exhaustion of the last few days catching up with me as I allow the silly movie to flood my mind choosing to shut down rather than think about anything for the moment.

He soon finishes his second helping of rice and with a last swig of his beer stacks his plate on top of mine and carried them both into the kitchen. I can hear the soft taps and clinks as he loads the dish washer, before coming back into the room flopping onto the couch with a satisfied sigh. Swinging one arm up onto the couch behind me and his rainbow clad feet onto the table in front of us as he settled into watch the movie.

He chuckles when the movies' protagonist does something very silly that I don't really understand, but then again I'm certain that I haven't understood most of the movie up to now. It's literally coming in but I'm not processing it, my mind seems to have gone blank. I turn at the sound he makes though and take in his appearance. He changed after we got back to his place into a pair of his favorite jeans and his _Texas Hold 'em Strip Poker_ shirt. It's taut around his arms and perfectly fitted to his upper body as he reclines against the couch. His face has the shadowy appearance of stubble, just enough that it would cause just a little pull if you ran your hand over it, and the beginnings of exhaustion is creeping in around his eyes.

Despite his laughter, I can see the pain the last case brought him. There's just a hint of regret in the reflection of his chocolate eyes, and a pull of tension in his forehead. He knows he did the right thing and yet he seems to be having an internal war of rational versus what he wishes had happened earlier. I want to tell him that it doesn't matter now, Broadsky is lock up with a large bandage over the bullet hole Booth put in him. He'll live to go to jail for the crimes he committed because even if he only ever killed the bad guys it was still wrong. For Booth the sniper doesn't get to decide whether to pull the trigger just when. By taking that power into his own hands Broadsky violated something that Booth has relied on to keep himself safe from his own demons for years, and now they're creeping up to haunt him.

I find myself desperate to smooth away the tension in his forehead, remove the pain and regret in his eyes. Wishing that I knew what I was supposed to do at this point because we've reached an impasse and what really needs to happen now has the potential to cause much more pain than anything that happened today. The pain could be temporary, but now it has to be what he wants. I can't stand on the edge anymore and I have to take control of what happens next and hopefully what follows is what I want but if not then I'll move forward. I'll move on. I'll move if that's what it takes because I've been partially content to stand aside and give him the room necessary to get where he needs to be mentally, but know I have to stand up and fight for myself too.

The world moves so fast, this is our last chance.

The credits roll on the film and he hits the mute button allowing them to continue without us, as he turns to face me in the now quiet of his living room. He looks quietly at me and I can feel him trying to suss out what is going through my head without asking. He's unsuccessful though and eventually resorts to lifting one of his eyebrows in that questioning manner he has when he wants to know but asking seems like intruding to him. And yet and can't say anything. I feel like I'm paralyzed waiting to for the thunderclap.

It's not long before he finally breaks and asks, "Bones what's going through that pretty head of yours?"

I don't even know where to begin this certainly isn't what he's thinking. He doesn't want to do this right know but I can't wait any longer and so I sit up off the couch adjusting my body on the couch so that I can face him and can give this to him as calmly and honestly as I can muster. "Booth, I love being your partner." The words fall softly in to the silence and I can see that he's relieved.

He grins and reaches out and smacks my knee gently, "Right back atcha Bones I love being your partner too." The look on my face must have told him that I wasn't done because his shoulders drooped, "What is it?" He asked looking worried again.

I tilt my head to the side trying to figure out how I'm suppose to phrase what comes next, and it feels impossible even though I've rehearsed what I want to say hundreds of times in the mirror. It's all gone and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now. The silence feels elastic, the longer it gets the more I'm afraid it's going to snap back and hurt me. So I take and deep breath and just begin. "Our whole partnership. Our whole freindship, relationship. It's a tale from television, from a book..."

"Bones where are you going with this?" He interrupts.

But I don't let him sidetrack me I've gotten going and now I just have to get it all out. "The two people that don't get along well at first. In fact they hate each other but before you know it their best friends working together relying on each other… falling in love with each other but doing nothing about it."

I stare into his eyes well aware that he's figured out where this is headed and I can feel him retreating a little bit from me. "And then something breaks, something goes wrong and they're broken." 

"It wasn't my fault Bones." He pleads.

He's afraid I blame him for everything, and so I do the only thing I know how to in this moment. I reach out grabbing one of his hands with my own, and give it a gentle squeeze. "I know it's not, it doesn't matter. Just let me finish." He nods and leaves his hand where it is. "Slowly they get back to where they need to be. Where they're suppose to be. It's a beautiful story and everyone loves to watch it over and over again because human life is a story of relationships and trying to connect with someone despite all the obstacles that get in the way. But at some point the story has to move forward, it has to move on to what they're supposed to be otherwise the story loses its sparkle and the relationship is over no matter how much they fight for it." I finish hoping that he understands what I'm saying to him.

He's quiet for a moment as he just looks at me, carefully going over his options before he pulls his hand back. "What you're saying it that we've reached that stalling point?" I nod my head trying not to push him any more than absolutely necessary. "So Bones what are we suppose to be?" He asks

I wish that there was just a hint of laughter or a smile, but he's taking this as seriously as he can. Which I suppose is a good thing, but it's just that much more difficult to look at him and offer him exactly what he offered me two years ago and what I've already offered once. "For us to be more than just friends and partners… To be in a relationship that is more than all of that combined."

I think he stopped breathing in an attempt to comprehend what I'm asking, he's gone so still. And so we sit there for a few moments, before he almost groans, "Bones…" and I feel like I'm breaking his heart all over again.

I fight off my own tears and just smile gently hoping to reassure him. "I don't need an answer right now Booth…" I stand off the couch trying to focus on each little move holding the tears at bay. "But I need one within the next few days because it's time for our relationship to spark or fizzle and die and if it's the later one I need to just get on with it."

"Bones…" He quietly says my name again but doesn't follow it with anything.

I bend down placing a hand on his cheek, press a kiss to his forehead, before walking out of the room leaving him on the couch as I gather my things, and let myself out of the apartment. I stop just before allowing the door to close and say just loud enough that it'll be heard in the other room, "This is our last chance, Booth." With that I fled refusing to pause on the way to the car. The whole ride home, it felt like my brain was disconnected from my body as I tried to dissect the entire night for some indication of what was about to happen and as coming up completely blank. I had no idea what choice he was going to make as I pulled into my parking spot.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I put a bullet through his trigger arm. It was the only way I could stop him without killing him. So now, he would face a trial and a jury who would get to decide what his fate was. Part of me wished that I had taken the opportunity and put a bullet through the bastard's heart. But that decision wasn't up to me and doing so would have made me the same as him. Something I feared enough already I didn't need to give myself proof.

And so I had Bones over and for a beer, Thai, and a movie. What better way to celebrate the end of a bitch of a case than with her in the quiet safety of my own apartment. The plates have been cleared and the move is rolling. It's some comedy that Bones pulled out of my cabinet, I'm not even sure of its name at the moment but I'm trying to focus on it and not think about today anymore and so I laugh when something strikes me as funny but for the life of me I can't remember what the movie as about let alone what it's called.

Half way through the movie, I'm aware that she's watching me, seemingly giving up on watching the characters make total fools of themselves. I didn't want to think about what was whirring through that brain of hers. It was moving so fast that I could feel it next to me, but I couldn't even begin to tell you what she was thinking about. And so I let it go for the rest of the movie hoping that something in it would catch her attention.

Nothing did. So when the ridiculously unrealisticly happy ending faded to black and the credits rolled I hit the mute button tossing the remote into the bowl of remotes on the coffee table and turning to face her. I just studied her for a moment, trying to figure out what was going on in that brilliant brain of hers. I couldn't do it though and so I quirked my eyebrow in a gesture that I know she knows is one of questioning. But she didn't say anything and so I had to ask, "Bones what's going through that pretty little head of yours?"

She doesn't answer for what seems like hours, before she finally sits up and turns her whole body to face me pulling her legs into her side. She seems to be fighting some sort of internal battle before she looks me dead in the eye and says, "Booth, I love being your partner."

I relax slightly maybe whatever is on her mind isn't half as bad and I thought it would be. So I smile and give her friendly tap on the knee, "Right back atcha Bones I love being your partner too." This didn't change her expression and I know that this is way worse than I could have possibly imagined, "What is it?"

She cocks her head to the side in that way she has when she's trying to figure out what she's suppose to do right now. And the silence seems to grow heavier as I wait for her to say something. It can't be that long before she takes a deep breath, "Our whole partnership. Our whole friendship, relationship. It's a tale from television, from a book..."

I can feel where she's going with this and so I try to stop her. I'm not sure why I just don't feel like we're ready, like it's time. So I interrupt her, "Bones where are you going with this?" Evidently, she doesn't feel the same way because she presses on. I suppose if she's the one pushing the issue maybe for once I'm the one avoiding it.

And so she continues, "The two people that don't get along well at first, in fact they hate each other but before you know it they're best friends working together relying on each other, falling in love with each other but doing nothing about it. And then something breaks, something goes wrong and they're broken."

I can feel the hurt and pain rolling off her, what this is costing her to acknowledge where we're at and what need to happened and I can't help but feel like she blames me and so I try to reason with her, "It wasn't my fault Bones."

She's quiet for a second before reaching out and intertwining her soft delicate hand with my. Her smaller, daintier hand wrapping around mine, which feel large and ill kempt next to hers. And she gives me a gentle squeeze, "I know it's not, it doesn't matter, just let me finish." I nod, she's started the conversation and now we have to finish it. The only problem is I don't know how I want this one to end.

"Slowly they get back to where they need to be. Where they're suppose to be. It's a beautiful story and everyone loves to watch it over and over again because human life is a story of relationships and trying to connect with someone despite all the obstacles that get in the way. But at some point the story has to move forward, it has to move on to what they're supposed to be otherwise the story loses its sparkle and the relationship is over no matter how much they fight for it."

She's done and she's serious, we've reached the point where we actually have to make a decision. Or at least she has which means we both have too. "What you're saying it that we've reached that stalling point?" I ask hoping that I have misread her and at the same time, I'm fully aware that she's right as she nods her head in confirmation.

Well she's the one that brought this up so she gets to go first saying what she wants. "So Bones what are we suppose to be?"

She doesn't hesitate; she just tells it to me straight in her Bones way that reminds me why I fell in love with her in the first place, "For us to be more than just friends and partners… To be in a relationship that more than all of that combined."

But that doesn't mean that I'm not thrown off guard by her bluntness. "Bones…" Her nickname shudders through me and literally don't know what to say next. I want to tell her that I'm hers and that she has nothing to worry about, but at the same time I've been hurt so many times including by her that can't form any words, I can't just leap into this. I'm not sure that I can even get into this at all.

She has that soft sweet smile she has for when she's trying to reassure me on as she gently pulls herself off the couch ,"I don't need an answer right now Booth, but I need one within the next few days. It's time for our relationship to spark or fizzle and die and if it's the latter one I need to just get on with it."

And there it was the ultimatum that this had been coming to. "Bones…" I say her name again wishing that we could turn back the clock just a few hours to when we were, standing on the rooftop watching the paramedics wrap gauze around Broadsky's wrist and everything was right with the world.

She's standing in front of me and all my gut is telling me to wrap my arms around her waist and refuse to let her to leave. But my brain is telling me that, this isn't an option anymore and the conflict leaves me paralyzed. I feel those long, careful fingers softly stroke my cheek before she leans over and her lips ever so gently graze my forehead in a gesture that is so full of meaning and emotion that I'm at a loss as to what to do, and so I remain frozen to the couch.

I hear her in the hallway gathering her coat and messenger bag, and slowly opening the door. I can feel her paused there even though I can't see her. Just when I think that maybe she's left and the door is stuck open, I hear her, barely loud enough to be heard but it makes the words ring crystal clear in their gravity. "This is our last chance, Booth." And with that she was gone, and the door clicked closed behind her.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I managed to make it into my apartment without shedding a single tear. But as I threw the deadbolt, they seemed to just flow freely as though bottling them up had made them uncontrollable now. Without turning on a single light, I made my way to the bedroom, changed into my sleeping clothes, and crawled under the covers before I dissolved into full body sobs. And I just cried over the uncertainty of what was to come next, and the possibility that it wouldn't be what I want.

At some point the sobs subsided and I drifted off into a series of uncomfortable dreams each increasingly disturbing until I sat bolt upright in bed wishing that I'd never said anything. That my life as I knew it was over and I was going to have to give up the best friendship that I'd ever had all because I wanted more.

I stared into the mirror across from my bed, at my reflection for a few moments. The women across from me didn't reflect the turmoil that I was feeling inside. I could see that there was pain in the way she held herself. She wasn't shielding herself though; rather to me, she looked like she was braced for the blow. I looked into my own eyes and let out the breath that I'd been holding and nodded to myself. It's too late. There's nothing else that I can do besides wait. I threw back the covers and pulled myself out of bed. I would not let this day go to waste just because I was feeling sorry for myself.

And so I showered but that didn't take nearly as much time as I thought it should and so I took the time to blow dry and straighten my hair, even applied a little make up before going to work on my book. The page just stared blankly up at me, the next chapter would not come. It seems that Kathy's life reflected my own so much that I couldn't give her a direction until I had one. And so I started a sentence only to go back and erase it. Sometimes I would get a whole paragraph onto the page before I couldn't go any further, and would go back and start over.

Eventually I gave up and shut my computer with a frustrated sigh. There was nothing on TV. The local channels were all playing nonsense shows and despite the fact that I had the cable package, Booth had insisted upon, with its seemingly five thousand channels there wasn't a single one that attracted my attention. I didn't own a movie that I wanted to watch, and their wasn't a sporting event that I could even study.

I pulled out my yoga mat in hopes that I could go through a simple routine and would be able to take my mind elsewhere. But it didn't work, in fact I was incapable of balancing and everything seemed to pull in a manner that was certainly not good for me. Giving up on that too I pick up the stack of journals that I was behind on, only to flip through every page and not read a word.

I ignored every phone call. None of them were from him. I didn't check my email, and listen passively from the couch as Angela asked my answering machine where I could possibly be and why wasn't I answering anything.

The sun rose and fell over the dome of the capitol building and finally my clock read that it was late enough that I could consider going to sleep. Apparently, I wasn't going to hear from him today. But I didn't give him a deadline and so I would just have to hope that I would get an answer soon.

I slowly washed my face and brushed my teeth. Taking the time to comb out my hair and change the sheets on my bed before crawling underneath the covers tenderly in a worn t-shirt and yoga pants. Lying flat on my back, I stared up at the ceiling, glancing at the clock only briefly wishing sleep to come.

The little green numbers haunted my peripheral vision for hours as the night ticked on.

Ultimately, I did fall asleep only to be jerked awake for no reason. I glanced at the clock _2:23_ I hadn't been asleep very long. I groaned angry at my own psyche for keeping me awake when I heard what must have been the reason for waking up in the first place.

_BANG. BANG. BANG-BANG-BANG._ His signature knock, two long and then three successive.

My breathing hitched, and I looked at my reflection catching the signs of hope in the women staring back at me. Taking a moment to scold myself as I got out of bed and pulled on my robe. Walking down the hallway as he fired off another set of knocks.

Taking a deep breath to calm my rapidly thumping heart. I threw the dead bolt and removed the chain, slowly opening the door to find him standing there wild eyed in his leather jacket, jeans, and Guys and Dolls t-shirt. His stubble was longer than the day before, and it looked like he'd been running his hands through his hair successively for hours.

Silently we stared at each other as I waited for him to say something first, after all he was standing on my doorstep.

Finally, he broke the tension with a heave of his shoulders as he let out a deep breath. Then he locked his eyes with mine and said. "I can't do this anymore."


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The movie credits came to an end and the main menu flickered to life on the screen and yet and I couldn't bring myself to move. I just sat and studied the room around me without around me without taking anything in.

A siren blared down my road startling me out of my haze just long enough to realize that she'd been gone for hours and I needed to go to bed. I had Parker for the day starting in the morning and if I wanted to keep up with him, I was going to need some sleep.

I flipped off the lights in the room and managed to collapse onto my bed hoping that sleep would come easy, knowing that that it would be the absolutely last possible thing to happen. And so I laid there staring at the ceiling for a long while, before rolling over to look at the other side of the bed.

She'd never slept there. In fact we've only shared a bed a handful of times on cases. I smiled remembering when we had that itty bitty bed at the back of the RV at the circus and how she'd concluded the only way that we'd sleep properly is if we slept with her back to my front. I'd tried to tell her it was called spooning. She didn't seem to care and had just snuggled into me and dropped off to sleep.

I looked at the empty side of the bed and wondered how many times I had wished she was over there in the last six years. The number was too high to count. But it didn't give me an answer to any of the million questions whirring through my head, as I hopelessly flopped onto my back again. Glancing over at the little green numbers thinking that this night felt more like a week as the numbers seemed to creep by even slower than before.

The sun came up and I still hadn't closed my eyes or come up with an answer. Parker wouldn't be here for hours yet and I wasn't going waste any more time in bed so I gave up and laced on my running shoes hoping that taking to the streets would at least clear my head.

I set a punishing pace almost sprinting down the streets and towards the national mall, grateful that the roads were deserted at this hour. With every contact with the cement and then the dirt clay mix of the malls walk ways I seem further from an answer. The clean, fresh, spring air do nothing for me but add to my confusion as I ran around the entire mall and head back to my apartment with no answers, but very little time to ponder that as I jump in the shower. Successfully managing to get clean clothes on in time to hear Parker using his key in the door. Rebecca must have just dropped him off.

Parker was the key to getting my mind off of everything else that was happening and so I focused on my little boy and making sure that we had fun today. There was hockey, ice cream and a trip to the spy museum before I took him to diner, and then home. But when I closed my door again and looked at the empty apartment again the reality that I had to make a decision hit me like a freight train and the fact that I was no closer to having an answer for her was just an added weight.

I pulled the bottle of good scotch that she'd gotten me from the credenza and poured a three-finger glass of the smooth amber liquid. I tipped the glass back for that first sip I relished a little in the burn it created in the back of my throat.

I sat in the armchair and slowly sipped the liquid just staring around the room looking at all the little ways that she'd infiltrated my life. The collection of her books on my bookshelf the bindings well loved, each one with a dedication on the inside, everyone but the first making some connection to him. There was a photograph of the two of us at some function she'd asked me to attend with her, the seats she'd help bring into his apartment and they'd gotten trapped in the elevator, a science project of Parkers that she'd helped with, and the cap from her beer last night was still sitting on the end table.

Pulling out my phone there were no texts, no missed calls, no emails from her. No sign of life from her since she left my apartment and I couldn't really remember the last time that had happened with the exception of when we were in other parts of the world. The thought made me feel a little hollow, even as the exhaustion creeped into my body. Pushing out of the chair I made my way back into my bedroom with every intention of collapsing and figuring it out in the morning.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

But as I lay in bed unable to fall asleep I'd never felt so far away from her or so alone. The empty pillow next to me was the final straw. I was back out of bed not even glancing at the clock pulling the clothes I'd worn that day back on, grabbing my keys as I made my way from to my car and drove through the deserted streets with only one goal in mind.

My feet carried me to her door and I knocked once hoping that she'd answer right away. But when there was no response I looked at my watch to realize that it would probably take a few more times to get any sort of a response from her at this time and so I knocked again, and after a suitable time I knocked again.

Finally, I heard her unlocking it the door opened to reveal her wrapped in her robe, hair rumbled. Her body radiated a restless sleep as she just stood there and waited from me to say something. I took a deep breath and started, "I can't do this anymore."

She nodded so calmly which told me that she was going to approach whatever I said in a logical and rational manner. "Ok Booth. That's ok. I learned a lot from you these last few years. I'll put in a request for a new partner in the morning." And she made to close the door.

I couldn't believe this was happening. I hadn't intended for her to take that meaning out of my words at all, in fact I'd intended to babble at her for a little bit longer to make my point. But the door was closing and I didn't have another option as my hand flew out to stop the door from closing literally and metaphorically.

She looks stunned and just starred at my hand as if she hadn't even considered this a possibility. "Last night was the longest night of my life and I would appreciate it if you would let me finish because when I say I can't do this anymore I don't mean I'm done with us. I mean I'm done with the undefined."

There was the most imperceptible nod of her head and she brought her eyes up to mine. "There is no way I'm giving up this time. We've been together for too long and what we have Bones it's stronger than any bond I've ever had with anyone else. I'm not losing you this time."

A tear escaped her eye running down her cheek and my hand itched to reach out and brush it away, but I stood still as I waited for her to say something. Finally her breath hitched, "What are you saying Booth?"

Now I took the step across the threshold wrapping one arm around her waist and using the other free hand to wipe away the errant tear. "I'm all in Bones. It doesn't matter what comes next. I'm all in."

She stared up at me eyes glittering as she comprehended what I said and with a watery laugh she smiled, "Really?" All I could to was nod. "I was sure you were going to say no." She admitted wrapping her arms around my neck. "All the logical and rational signs of the last few months pointed to you saying no."

"Yeah, well…" I brushed her hair behind her ear, "I came to my senses" I smiled and brushed a kiss over her lips before pulling back just a little bit and resting my forehead on her and gazing into the currently green eyes that sparkled with tears. "I'm not losing you not now not ever."

"Ok" She nodded "Ok. I'm not going anywhere."

I pressed and kiss to her forehead now and just pulled her close kicking the door closed behind me.

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**And there it is, what I think is the end of the season. I didn't read any spoilers I just have this feeling that something like this is going to play out.**

**What did you think? Please let me know I really do appreciate it.**

**Elevators and blizzards tomorrow.**

**It's been a pleasure.**

**Babyrose  
**


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